Character

For as long as I can remember, I've always had an automatic reaction to give.
From giving an afternoon to grab some lunch and cheer a friend up
to sitting in my car for hours, listening on the other end of a phone call
through tears and broken sobs. No matter what, if I held someone close to me
I would give them anything they ask of me. By nature, I gave cheerfully.
I've heard "you're really too nice". I've been taken advantage of, to be
that "nice guy". Of course, if you were close to me, I wouldn't care.
I can't help but be available to those I hold close.

The sad fact is, that no matter how close someone is to me, it might
not be the same for that person. I can say they're one of my best friends
but to that person, I'm just another nice person to listen and vent to.

I'm not saying that I regret ever getting to know you.
How was I supposed to ever know that you'd have this irrational
fear? Sadly, the time and love that I gave to you as a true friend
will possibly never be returned back...but it's okay. I understand
to a certain point that I should've seen this coming. Honestly, I
never expected the spins and turns our friendship took..but over the
years, I can say that I grew more mature. I learned to become
more compassionate to others around me. I've learned to give without
expecting anything in return. I'm sorry for becoming so "attached".
I really hope, that we can see eye to eye one day and look past this.
If not, I am grateful for getting to know you these past few years
and wish you only the best in life.

Catching

Once again, I find you here out by this door
should have known that by now no one is keeping score
funny to think that stepping into this room is refreshing
at least now, the paintings are gone and the gaze is catching
so attractive to these lens we call eyes
wrapping up so tight that you nearly go blind
staring down onto the floor to your next step
before stopping and bumping into a little chest
Yes this chest is open in front of your view
don't worry about it, since it's only keen to fools
oh wait, why is it that the open cavity stares before you?
must I forget to mention that you are but a tool?
winding down this long flight of stairs
catching your breath and gasping for air
shall we walk together now and look back?
a continuous reel of film passing on track
this reel only playing what you want to see
why is it that the mistakes and regrets are with me?
surely you know by now that this is where it ends
but something is tugging and pulling and starting to bend
the reel stops and only a white screen is here
have you forgotten already dear?
If winding your fingers into mine was such a crime
why is it that I still find the time
to surely spend and write over these walls
until my vision is blurred and I begin to stall
I know that I have done wrong and opened pandora's box
but now this curse is where it belongs
only to leave but a faint impression of ink and wood
funny to think that this is where we all stood
before and once again now we hear the clapping
applaud and shout as sure as your eye is catching
now you've seen through my own cue
I'm sorry but now I shall pay my due
Maybe this will not be enough to repay
but feel free to take and take and take
until all I have left is my mirror image before a room
surely a sign of leaving soon
do not worry for now about me
because my mind is as gone as the dark blue horrid sea
down by the dust i leave this key
hoping one day you'll look for me.

Because perspective changes everything

The words that drop faster than gravity
landing as the impact of spring's first rain
Crawling so deep into the ground only to evade
the harsh truth that is so clear as the sky
please, oh won't you please take this away
as I cannot stare any longer before the poor
reflection of what once stood with such valor
now fading as rust begins to scavenge away
the feeling of these two fragile lungs sinking in
only to walk past what remains a skeletal image engraved
realizing that no more, will we share what we had
and yes, surely as the times of sand
only shift towards the bottom of the hourglass
will time ever bring back what was at last
the downfall of all that was built?
surely as kings reside over conquered cities
there is only one who wishes to be
that ruler over this land within me
no you will not take this from my hand
if it is Your will, then let it be done
now what is there left to say as we become
the finely detailed and so perfectly assembled
sounds only echo past these deaf ears
as a blank stare is thrown into the air
wishing, counting, and hoping that there is escape
now we find ourselves stuck within space
gasping for air as we cannot see nor breathe
finally what will become of you and me?
there is no telling what is next on this road
but knowing that we will be together at home
for now we must move along and start again
from two strangers beginning to mend
"It is for the best" we both think
but remember "because perspective changes everything"

Long time no C

It's been a (wh)ile. To sum things up, it's been a crazy
semester. Can't believe the first semester of college is
over for me. I'm just glad that I'll be done soon. One
thing that I constantly overlook, is just the fact that
I'm in college. I guess, it's not really that much
of a step up from high school, but as I become surrounded
by different groups of people and different lifestyles...
I'm slowly beginning to get a feel for this "college" thing.

To be honest, it hurts me when you intentionally avoid me.
Yeah, maybe that's how it should be, but oh well.

Anyways, I keep getting stuck in this rut. It buries me deeper
and deeper and before I know it....I'm back to where I started.
Stop trying to make your friendship something more than it is.
Get over the fact that maybe it's just not right for you.
Be content and leave it at that. Second semester is coming up
so get ready and be prepared. It's gonna be a bumpy ride, but
do your best to trek along. Please take some time out to reflect
and get on the right track.















Something that I've heard over the weekend was "When Satan reminds you
of your past, you remind him of HIS future." Guilt can break you down
before you even realize it, but thanks to Rico's sermon, I don't have
to let it get to me.















Rushing through the fine breeze and winding down these halls
we both look into a window to find hidden walls
All along these windows have been shut before your eyes
until we went hand in hand and took off this disguise
no need to hold on now and let words fall into empty space
just follow me and I'll set pace
to where we'll end up no one knows
it's fine as long as the wind blows
into these halls filling our lungs
oh look, the passing bell has finally rung.

Simple as pie

It's been a very long time since I've written a post.
Simply put, the reason why I've decided to write again
is because I need someone to hear, whether it's a friend
or myself reading the words on a page. I tend to become
anxious or pulled into something that I don't intend to
be pulled into. It's been a while since I've had an over
thinking moment. Lately, it's been a little hectic for me.
Constantly worrying about school, stress from work,
more stress from work, other things building up
over time and eventually breaking down like before.
I'll finish when I recollect my thoughts

Dear Editha

Editha, I know that you think everything's fine.
Let me assure you that it's in fact unsettling.
It feels as though a tornado is ripping through
this canvas and onto the wooden floor before us.
Do you remember the portrait that was left
in front of the living room? It was a beautiful
sight until two hands met between the center
and brushed black onto the scene. This eventually
flooded the whole picture until all that was left,
was a sheer reflection of darkness. After leaving
the room, I found a little bundle of pages. They
were marked with scribbles and pencil marks. They
once echoed a story of love or maybe it was just
lust. Who knows? As tempting as it is to burn the
pages away until the last ash, Editha, I've kept
them til this day. Do I have any reason to keep
the pages bundled between creases and folds?
The truth is, that I'm too scared to even
think about opening them again. The feelings and
thoughts rush back onto that portrait. I suddenly
turn away and react as if though I'm staring into
the sun. I don't want to recall any of this..Editha
please help me to face the truth. Even though you
can move on and freely paint onto a new canvas..
my hands are still stained with this black ink.
As I try to begin a new portrait..I only smear
a black smudge onto that white background.
It might take a set of brushes or even just
someone to take that painting down off the
easel, but Editha.....Let me assure you that
as the ink can stain and bleed into the screen,
surely....you've stained and burned into a canvas
which I can never look away from. It's best for me
to just splash a new can of white onto it all.
That would be best....don't you think? Now that
I look back in retrospect....I regret everything.
Tell me....What did you get out of this? We can
barely see eye to eye now. What did I get out of
this? Stained hands....and much more. Please
don't try to look away. I don't know how you could
keep painting the way you do. Don't you have any
remorse? Don't you have any dignity? I can't answer
these questions for you...but I can't answer them
for myself either. The only thing that I can do
for myself...and for you...is really just leave
it all behind. I can only leave the stained canvas
where it lays. I can only leave all the smeared
portraits where they stand. I can only close this
door and never......open it again. No matter how
tempting or inviting it might be, I only know that
what waits for me inside...is a tornado that will
rip me apart. So with all of that said, Editha
I leave you locked in the room as well.




Sincerely,

Jeoffrey

Rest In Pieces

Goodbye Blog. I'll be going away for some time now, but
I'll be back. Someday. There's no point in me trying to
confine some impulsive rants or thoughts into an online
page. It's time that I take responsibility for my own
thoughts and actions. Sorry if I've been a little over
the edge lately.....but no need to worry. All is well
and turning over. Actually, this won't end here, but
one last post will sum it all up.